Sh...

'Sh... Relax, little girl. Everything is going to be all right. All I'm asking of you is just to kill yourself,' came the quite eerie Voice. 'Think about it, sweetie. I know you dream about death.'

That Voice, it's killing me, making me slowly lose my mind. I can't stand it… But it knows what I want, what I crave and beg for. He wants and encourages my suicide… But what do I do? I cry and beg The Voice to leave me alone. I want Him to go away, but he is always here.

'Yes, my dear. I'm always here... I'm here to remind you how fucked up you are and how death is your only way to change this mistake.' And here it is again.

'Why can't you leave me alone? Let me live my life without you, Voice. I don't even know who you are. And I don't understand why you had to come after me…' And here I go, breaking down once again. And this is what He wants. He's sick - He loves watching me break down. 'Please, just leave me alone, I can't take it any more.'

'My sweet little girl, you know the way out, don't you?'

'Yes.' I am weak, but I can't give in. I want/need to live, but who am I kidding here - my good dreams are about death - in nightmares I always stay alive.

'What are you thinking, Parisa?' Oh, no. 'How do you know my name? I've never told you it.'

'I know everything about you, angel face. And you know, you really do have an angelic face, only beneath the skin lies a broken person, a fuck up, a monster, am I not right, sugar?'

I hate him so much. I hate him for being right. He's making me suffer. 'Making you suffer, baby? It's you, who makes yourself suffer. If you had just listened to me, your problems would've been gone already because you would've been dead by now…' I hear his mad laughter, he's laughing at me and it makes me want to cry even harder.

And now it feels like I'm losing my mind, like… 'Sweetie, you've lost you mind months ago, when you began hearing me.'

'Stop contradicting me, you Stupid Voice! I'm sick of you, sick of hearing your voice, tired of feeling this fucking lost!'

'So kill yourself!' I hear the anger in his voice. I've never heard him being this mad at me. He was always so sweet and gentle. And I understand now that he's sick of playing mind games with me and it's time for him to get rid of me.

'If you don't want to do it, then I will take matters in my own hands, deary! You can start praying for your life, maybe someone up there will take pity on you and you'll get to heaven.' And just like that he is gone.

***

I don't even know how to describe, what I'm feeling right now. I'm lost and scared. One thing for sure, I'm glad that I'm alone, there's no Voice. And for the first time I can breathe freely, without Voice mocking me, breaking me, telling me what to do, controlling me.

'Free from the torment of sin, all this I'm giving up…' I begin to softly sing, feeling happy for the first time in these past months, drumming my fingers to the beat and rocking myself back and forth, like a lost child.

It's the only way I can come to terms with the fact, that I'll be dead soon. Maybe I should start praying?